Some people might refer to these as light bulb moments. The dictionary gives the definition as a sudden or great realisation. These moments are to be treasured or at least in my case they do as they are rare.
This morning as I was doing my usual lockdown run, going round and round the garden, I was struck by one such moment. It wasn’t a light bulb turning on, it was as if an entire bank of stadium lights had been turned on at once. It was God whispering in my ear. Some might say the Holy Spirit spoke to me, it felt like God to me. The excitement of the revelation was so great that my running pace increased, which for my creaking old frame is a miracle in itself.
Since Yolanda’s passing I have been struggling with the image of our last proper conversation. It was Yolanda sitting in the hospital chair, as the nursing staff were making her bed, her skeletal body and large brown eyes staring at me. Her words ringing in my memory and shaking me to the core “Sean I will fight this with all I have and will do everything the Doctors tell me”. Today as I ran I got the clarity and peace I needed from these words.
Yolanda had never complained about her illness or about how much pain she was in. She was strong and determined. Many looking in from the outside wouldn’t have known her pain and suffering. Even those of us close to her never fully knew as she was sometimes taking as many as 20 tablets at a time.
Yolanda was passing on the baton. She was telling me to be strong and not have a woe is me life. She was being the example of strength that I would be able to follow. Today was that moment of clarity, an image that had been haunting me for just over two years, is now an image of being spurred on. An encouragement from my number 1 supporter saying “You can do this”.
Thank you for reading. My hope and prayer is for all who experience grief to be able to have such a moment.