Recently I found myself in a very awkward situation. I was in a group conversation and someone made the comparison of their grief being worse than mine as i at least still had my daughters with me each day. My daughters to talk to and at least have “persons” around me everyday. I had to breath and keep myself calm as I could hear the inner voice shouting and wanting to be heard, “I lost my soulmate”. Fortunately I was able to￼ remain focussed on the purpose of the group and merely state that each of our experiences with grief are uniquely our own and making comparisons is of no value.
So I was left with the feeling of had I handled this situation with the necessary care and concern for the individuals well being. I spoke to other members of the group and it was not only my feeling but others had experienced the same or similar as I had. However I couldn’t help but think why the comparison, was this person really comparing grief from one situation to another?
I believe that they weren’t doing it intentionally. I now see that they were focussing on life circumstances as a result of their loss and the resultant lifestyle being somewhat different to mine.
Is this a result of the human condition that we allow our circumstances to become the centre piece on which we hang our emotions. With loss, which cannot be compared, come changed life circumstances and I do believe these can be compared but not under the umbrella of grief.
My loss is my loss and it is neither greater nor lesser than anyone else who has experienced a loss.