As December begins, the time of festive cheer and happiness, my heart is heavy with sadness. From my “Grief Share” meetings and advice others have so freely given I am aware that this part of the journey is going to be tough.
I however have learnt that knowing that something is going to be tough and actually walking this “tough” path are light years apart.
I believe that I have been fortunate to have walked some of this path alone. Dealing with my grief in the early stages was a very inward focussed affair. At times it felt selfish, however I can’t see it as having been any other way. Now that the school year is winding down, school having been a great distraction for my daughters, they are now facing the reality of their loss.
I am grateful that both girls are able to talk to me about “missing mom”. This is a great relieve to me but at the same time it gives me a new sadness to approach. The sadness of the loss that these two young girls will carry with them for the remainder of their days on earth. I am grateful for having attended grief share and seeing that there are individuals who have had similar losses early in life and they have made it many years along the path of grief. So much so that they are now helping others like myself inch forward. They are there to give support and guidance.
This gives me great hope for both my girls. I truly believe Milah and Hannah will take this experience with all the pain, sadness, torment and absolute trauma and turn it into a positive force.
This doesn’t mean that we won’t walk this path, in fact it would appear to be a requirement. I would rather face this heavy heart of sadness knowing that at so stage in the future we will emerge being able to help others.
The strength that my girls have shown has been inspiring.