Often I find myself wondering whether this is all real. Have we just experienced a catastrophic loss. A loss that has change our lives forever. A mark on our memory that can never be erased.
I watch in absolute amazement at how my two daughters have coped. I am not saying that they haven’t been impacted from this loss and neither am I saying that they won’t have times in the future where this loss will impact them deeply. Both have done unbelievably well with school academics and sports. Neither has missed a day of school.
I often feel as if I am the weakest link in this equation. I know that I am the one carrying the entire load of our family unit. I sometimes feel weak and totally overwhelmed. I have a million questions and no answers. I take medication to assist with the “depression” that has entered my life as an unwelcome guest. Sometimes I attempt to continue as if nothing has happened. This only proves to be foolish as the reality of our loss touches every aspect of our lives.
I only have to look around at other family members each hurting in their own way. Friends of Yolanda hurting at the loss of more than a friend. It is these amazing people who having also experienced a loss have put their feelings aside in order to assist the girls and I through this difficult season.
Then there are the “semi-outsiders”, work colleagues and the teaching staff at both schools. These people could have simply ignored our circumstances and gone about their daily life’s. Their concern for myself and the girls has given me great faith in humanity.
There are also the “outsiders”, these are the people with no relationship to me or the girls. For me I found these people at a local church offering a “Grief Share” group. I have now attended all 13 weeks and truly feel that this space has enabled me to smile again. I even crack a joke now and again.
So how do we keep going on? I believe the answer is to surround ourselves with a support group on various levels, the insiders, the semi-outsiders and the outsiders. This journey of grief can not be handled by isolating ourselves. Isolating ourselves would be like trying to hide your head in the sand during a violent sand storm. Your head would be safe but the rest of your body would be shredded by the blast of the sand.
To all that have played a part in this journey, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You give us the strength to keep going.