I remember it like it was yesterday. Monday 15th January 2018, the day after Yolanda passed away, I walked to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. It hit me with the force of an asteroid crashing into earth. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe and the crushing pain was so intense I honestly felt as if I was about to die. The realisation that Yolanda was not coming home, that her voice wouldn’t be present in our home. She would no longer be making me my morning coffee, a coffee that tasted like no other I have had since, a coffee made with such love. I sobbed tears that became rivers, I had no idea the human body was able to produce so much water to supply these tears.
The morning coffee routine has continued, thankfully the anguish that was there on day one has slowly diminished. The morning coffee routine has become one of hope, one of a promise. As I wait for the kettle to boil I watch the birds feeding in our back garden, in fact I observe them. I don’t see stress, I don’t see worry, I don’t see anxiety in fact I observe them living in the moment. As I watch them I am reminded of the verse in the Bible, Matthew 6:26 (NIV) “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? “
Are you not much more valuable than they? Wow, even if I were only as valuable as they are let alone being more valuable. The promise, the hope in these words are powerful. Especially during this time of Covid-19 pandemic, the lives of so many have been smashed against the rocks to which they had pegged all hope. The economy is in tatters, large corporations have been forced to scale down and unemployment has gone to record highs across the globe. For those who put their faith in intellectuals they are realising how few answers they really have. For all the modelling on the spread of the virus no one has come up with the perfect plan to combat it. Governments of supposed first world countries are clueless and running around like headless chickens. Citizens across the globe are becoming more and more disillusioned by senseless rules and regulations being put in place, and slowly but surely we edge closer and closer to a global anarchy.
However each morning as I make my worst cup of coffee for the day I continue to observe the birds, they feed and sunbathe in the moment. There is no fear, anxiety, depression or worry there is however total confidence that the heavenly Father who made us will provide. They exist in the moment, no social media distractions, no media pushing the narrative of a fear driven government who can’t admit that they have failed. They exist in the moment.
My prayer today is that I will learn to be like one of these birds in my back garden. Wash away all fears, anxiety and depression that cloud my day and allow me to exist in the moment. Allow me Lord to live the promise.